I'm tired.

I'm tired of dreaming of you.
Its been so long, the sight of you hurts.
I'm tired of waking up
knowing that dream was all I have.

I live a double life-- I dream of a dead husband but am so in love with a living breathing man, who is so wonderful that I'm thankful. It doesn't take a Phd to figure out that I'm reconciling leaving him behind, that I have tiny pangs of guilt for being happy when he's gone. It just sucks because seeing him in dreams is the only time I'll ever see him...

and its not even real.

UPDATE: had no idea that I posted that I wanted him to show me his face, anything to say he was ok... maybe just pull it back a tad. This every night stuff is wearing me down.